The Miracle of Life and Death

Sharing my experience of tending to the death of the most beautiful baby boy

For me, the essence of being a Death Doula is to be a Guardian of the portal of Death. Being in guardianship means tending to and protecting all seen and unseen aspects that transpire during this profound time. Although this portal takes place between the days leading up to and after the last breath, care may begin far before this and after to make preparations and honor grief’s nonlinear timeline. Each doula has their own medicine - some are masters of caring for logistical needs so that a family can focus on their loved one. Others may lean towards spiritual guidance, supporting the family and person dying in all the various spiritual and religious lineages. In my guardianship, I position myself to think of the things and ask questions that a family often does not have mental or emotional bandwidth for. My mission is to support creating the sacred, comfortable, and safe container both pre and post-death, whichever way the family I’m serving defines this.

Because of our society’s aversion towards talking about death and the capitalistic funeral industry corrupting this sacred passage, most of us grew up not knowing what is possible for all the ways to honor our hearts in this time of death and grief. This essay is written as one example of how the powerful death portal can be honored with the utmost reverence and beauty so that amidst deep grief, love may prevail.

My entire life, I have walked with visions of tending to beautiful and sacred deaths. Now, through serving as a death doula for a radiant 14-month-old baby boy, I have witnessed these visions transform into living truth. With reverence for his life, the wisdom he bestowed, and the permission from his parents, I share my experience of Kum Sunqu's journey back to Earth and the Stars - the 4 day portal from his last breath to his burial.

The Gift of Kum Sunqu

Kum Sunqu arrived in this world with many physical challenges. When Colombian doctors could offer no more help, his family traveled to the United States, carried by guardian angels the entire way. As his parents, Sofia and Daniel, faced the impossible choice about a final operation—one that promised neither life nor peace—they listened instead to Kum's soul speaking through them. His choice was clear: do not have the surgery as this was his path, his soul’s purpose continuing to unfold.

Kum came not just to live but to heal—to mend the ancestral wounds running through his bloodline and beyond. Though his physical heart struggled to sustain his body, the love radiating from his being touched souls worldwide. He was, in every breath, a living miracle.

I experienced this the first time I met Kum, just 3 weeks before his transition, when I drove to Rhode Island to meet the family with my co-death doula Roman Perez. Within one second of being face to face with Kum, he smiled at us, which felt like an angelic light enveloping our entire beings. He then laughed with the innocence of a baby boy and the wisdom of an old soul as if he said, “Where the heck have you guys been? I’ve been waiting for you!”

The Call

On Sunday, February 2nd, Kum's hospice nurse called me, telling me of his imminent transition. With this news, his family—parents, sister, grandmothers, and uncles—drove to Woodstock, NY, from Rhode Island so that beside the Holy Fire at ESKFF Nest, a sanctuary tended by Stefanie Frank, Kum would complete his Earth journey surrounded by community.

I swiftly picked up Roman and booked it from Brooklyn to join them. Within an hour of our arrival, beside the sacred flames, Kum's final breath burst forth like thunder, opening the portal to the most profound four days of my life.

The Miracle

Have you ever witnessed a moment so divinely orchestrated that every detail speaks of sacred design? Kum's transition was such a tapestry of divine synchronicity—each thread perfectly placed, each door opening at precisely the right moment. I cannot include every synchronicity that transpired to bring Kum and his family to this moment, or else you would be reading for quite a while. You would read that and think I wrote a perfectly crafted script for the theatre. Moments like these make us think about not only the Miracle of Life but also the Miracle of Death. How could something so beautiful and profound not be what was meant to be?

ChatGPT defines the word "miracle" as "an extraordinary event or action that defies natural laws or is beyond human explanation, often attributed to a supernatural or divine power. It is typically considered to be a sign of divine intervention or an act of God, especially in religious contexts. People often refer to miracles when something happens that seems impossible, yet it occurs, providing hope, awe, or a sense of wonder." If I had to define what a miracle is, I would simply say: Kum Sunqu. He was the miracle with every breath, every moment, every soul he touched.

Kum helped us remember –

It is not the length of one's life that equates to its fullness, nor the amount of healing that equates to being a miracle.

The Opening Ritual

As a Death Doula, my first question to families is always, "What is your prayer?" In planning for death, we must honor what lives in the hearts of those closest to the transition. When a family has found peace with death's approach, our role is not to pray against their acceptance, such as a “miracle” that this person heals, but to open our hearts to death's profound beauty.

This beauty revealed itself the night we opened the death portal at the Nest. There, by firelight, I guided Kum's parents in washing his body with holy waters of cedar, sage, rosemary, and rose. As they anointed him with sacred oils of blue lotus, rose, tobacco, and others, their touch spoke of unconditional love and gratitude for the temple that had housed their son's magnificent spirit. In addition to tending to the deceased body, this opening ritual is significant so that the family can come into physical contact with the deceased body - the first step to accepting the transition that has just occurred.

The Wake

For three sacred days, we kept vigil with Kum in the home. On the final night, during an eight-hour in-person and Zoom wake of songs, prayers, and shared memories, I wove Kum's burial shroud. I have been weaving burial coffins and shrouds for years, but for the first time, my hands created this sacred vessel in the presence of the one it would embrace, surrounded by the full expression of human emotion—tears and laughter, screams, and dancing, despair, and joy intertwining like the threads beneath my fingers. My hands became the vessels for these prayers to be infused into each knot tied.

As I weaved and tears began to shed from my eyes, a deeper understanding of green burial emerged, which I already was devoted to as an opportunity to rebuild our connection to Nature. Beyond its ecological significance, such as burying with natural materials or no embalming, I saw how profound returning to the earth is when we walk a life of prayer. When we choose green burial, we decompose into the soil, allowing the oxygen and nitrogen in our body to nourish the land. Now, with this new understanding and reverence to the holy waters that contain all memories of time and space, I felt how the waters within us carry every prayer we've ever whispered or that has been whispered to us, and these, too, would release in the soil. Through absorption, the roots and mycelium carry these prayers far beyond our resting place, nurturing new life and healing the territories we call home. As I infused Kum's burial shroud with the prayers made during his wake, I felt how those vibrations would also be given back to the earth.

Many spiritual paths practice the art of making offerings to the earth and the spirits; some even call these offerings paying our debts or refer to this as creating reciprocity with the Earth. As one of my teachers says, "The art of offerings is the antidote to the extractive mind," meaning that we offer sacred items such as tobacco, flowers, songs, or even our blood back to the earth in an attempt to give more than we take. We make offerings to restore and create harmony between all seen and unseen. It is a practice of gratitude for all that Mother Earth and the spirits have created to support our lives.

This is the wisdom Kum shared: our bodies are not just vessels for life but sacred offerings to the great web of existence. He came as a living prayer, and in death, his offering continues to ripple through the world. His offering teaches us not to glorify death but to show the utmost reverence for it and our inherent connection to all.

The Burial

I had the greatest honor to facilitate Kum's burial ceremony, which included prayers woven across many wisdoms and traditions from around the world. I believe I can speak for all that attended that this was the most profound burial we have ever experienced because even in death, Kum created unity and helped us remember the truth of life: Love.

Before planting his body, we offered sacred smoke of sage, fruits, and flowers to the grave in gratitude to Mother Earth for welcoming Kum home. As his mother passed Kum’s body to his father that was inside the grave, she did so in gratitude to Mother Earth and this piece of land that would receive his body. After his body was lowered into the grave, sacred objects and plants were offered to Kum as a final act of love for his life. Once the grave was filled with all the soil that was dug from that hole while sacred songs were sung, we created a mandala of plants on top as an act of love and beauty in reverence to the temporary nature of life.

These three hours in the cold winter February day as the Sun shined down upon us was a portal of the deepest ceremony in honor of Life itself and for the unconditional love of a Son whose death would regenerate the Earth and grow new life.

The Legacy of Love

Words fail to capture the full impact of Kum Sunqu's presence in this world. Instead, I pray to embody his teachings:

I pray to blossom as one of the seeds he planted that hold Life and Death to the highest reverence they deserve.

I pray that through recording this moment, grieving hearts can be cared for so that in moments of suffering, beauty can be remembered.

And with every ounce of my being, I pray for all the babies that have lost their lives this year, whether due to illness, hunger, war, or any other means.

To Kum Sunqu, thank you for allowing me to tend to your transition. To Sofia and Daniel, gratitude for sharing your son's sacred journey. To the Holy Guardians of the Nest—the trees, the deer, the owl—thank you for protecting this portal. To my spiritual family, Roman and Stefanie, deep appreciation for holding this ceremony of death and grief with such reverence.

And to God, endless thanks for the sacred cycle of birth, life, and death—each breath is an opportunity to draw closer to your eternal love.

If you would like to learn more about Kum’s journey and support the family during this tender time, please visit here and follow them on Instagram at @spirall.lotus

If you would like to learn more about the transformative sanctuary, ESKFF Nest, please visit here.

Thank you, Kellie Walsh, for capturing this portal with your beautiful photography.